Archive for December, 2006

IBB FOR PRESIDENT

Posted in Uncategorized on December 29, 2006 by ayenithegreat

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“THERE is going to be a cocktail at PMAN.”

“I haven’t received any invite.”

“Oh no, you won’t need an invite! It’s an all-comer affair. The concept was thought by Charly Boy. But it’s Russian cocktail experts ‘Molotov’ that’s organizing it…”

“Molotov…sounds vaguely familiar…”

“Yep. You must have heard of them before –they own the Molotov cocktail franchise…”

“Molotov cocktail…Are you alright? That’s a bomb!”

“Common, don’t be an alarmist. It’s just petrol and cloth stacked in a bottle. It doesn’t become a bomb until you set fire to the cloth…”

“Who put that kind of a thing in PMAN?”

“Charly Boy.”

“Do they know it’s there? We have to call the fire service…Wait, Charly Boy? That’s the ex-PMAN prez?”

“Yes. And it might just be too late to call 911…The place is exploding already…The cocktail is on, and guests are becoming casualties one after the other…”

“How do you mean?”

“Baby Barrister is still waiting for his stitches to heal. Dele Abiodun is getting death threats, Rosiji is battling bailiffs and thugs, everywhere is upside down, with the artistes as vulnerable as ever…Charly Boy is the only one smiling…”

“Of course. The one who sets the bomb never gets close to the arena!”

“Except suicide bombers.”

“But, true, Charly Boy is not a bomber. He’s just a bad leader. One of the greatest laws of leadership is succession. The man has failed in that regard, leaving PMAN more crippled than he met it, with two ‘presidents’ pointing shotguns at each other; tearing members into factions –leaving poor artistes confused and bewildered…”

“The association lies in deep coma, while artistes continue to be exploited by labels, marketers, promoters –and pirates!

“Two old men are fighting: ‘I be president/You no be president! Ask them about their manifesto for Nigerian musicians, and you’ll bow your head in shame.”

“I wonder what the government is waiting for. They should have declared a state of emergency at PMAN.”

“That’s true. What’s the difference between what happened in Ekiti and the present crises in PMAN?”

“Nothing. Except that the governor ran away.”

“He did the right thing: He who fights and runs, lives to fight another day.”

“Lie. He who fights and runs is a lazy sol. He who fights to finish is the real warrior.

“So Charly Boy is a warrior?”

“Yes now! He’s the General of Bolaji Rosiji’s army.”

“But they should appoint a sole administrator at PMAN while Rosiji and Abiodun await the final court verdict.”

“I’ll suggest Fatai Rolling Dollar.”

“Haba, you want the old man to die young? The spirits at PMAN will sniff the life out of him.”

“Okay, let’s try Shanko Rasheed.”

“That one, better advise him to run –if not, he won’t live to be 30!”

“So who do we choose then?”

“I’ll suggest IBB. It’ll be a good compensation, in case he doesn’t pick the presidency next year…Just imagine the poster: ‘IBB for PMAN President.’ No one will contest against him, walahi!”

“I agree. The man is a moving train –he’ll crush hundreds of Charly Boy, Rosiji and Abiodun put together…”

“But there’s a problem: IBB can’t sing.”

“He’ll form a band: IBB and the Blues Brothers. Or he can even float a label: EF Records.”

“What’s EG?”

“Evil genius.”

“Oh, I see. I prefer EG Records to the Blues Brothers Band. I hate anything blue.”

“Since when? You wore blue pants yesterday.”

“Since today, when I heard of Prussian Blue.”

“What kind of colour is that?”

“Colour ke? It’s the name of an American based racists duo. The little white girls, aged 12 and 13, are unleashing black-hate music on America, beginning anti-black moves all over again, landing Hitler –and reaching No. 4 on the Billboard charts.”

“12 and 13 year olds? They’re minors!”

“Who says minors can’t make music, or express their views? The kids Third Album ‘End of a Black World; is selling recklessly, and major labels (including MGM and Geffen are already asking for their hands in marriage…”

“Whao! This is serious…what’s George Bush doing?”

“He’s advising Iraqis on how bet to hang Saddam. The little girls: Lynx and Lamb Gaede are being prompted by their parents…”

“I don’t care who’s prompting them. Such must not enter Nigeria…I’ve always known that those white people still have racism deep in their blood…I never thought they’ll use silly little girls to deliver their 21st century racism campaign…”

“Not all whites are racists, mind you…”

“But if you only have love for your own race, then you only leave space to discriminate. And to discriminate only generates hate…”

“Hey who said that?”

“The Black-eyed Peas.”

“I think I’ve got my first assignment for IBB.”

“What?”

“To make sure Prussian Blue songs never find their way on our Radio or TV. Not even via MTV base. They must be ‘NTBB-ed’ 100%.”

“I’ve got a better idea.”

“What?”

“He should form a group, ‘Pale Skin’, made up of two black boys, then get them to record an album, ‘End of a white world.”

“That’ll be paying evil for evil.”

“No, that’ll be beating them to their game!”

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